Whitney's Blog

I’ve Waited for this Day For 9 Years & Now I Don’t Want It

My babies, 5 years ago
I type this with dread. I can’t believe I’m reacting this way but here it is – I have a massive pit in my stomach and I have a panicked feeling this afternoon over the fact that tomorrow my baby will board the bus and leave for all day Kindergarten.

I don’t remember feeling this way with Nate, my oldest, when he started Kindergarten. Sure, I remember being nervous about it and I remember missing him, but I also remember feeling that we were BOTH ready for him to take that next step.

Tomorrow, Cole will leave me for the day as he starts his first day of Kindergarten. He’s ready. 100%, he is ready, excited and has been talking about the moment he can board the bus with his brother for almost two years now.

But this time, I AM NOT READY.

I can’t help but think back to years ago. I remember so many moments when I had a 3-year-old and an infant or a 4-year-old and a toddler and I thought – this is OVERWHELMING. I remember feeling like I had no time to myself and thinking about all the Moms who put their children on the bus and had 8 hours a day. 8 hours a day!! It seemed dreamy.

Time moves so quickly and those days of my boys being in diapers, or being small, seem like a lifetime ago already. I yearn for those days.

Tomorrow, my baby, my shopping buddy, my sous chef, my mini-me who is my little buddy all day long, will leave me and head out for his first day as an elementary school student. I’m a friggin’ wreck. There’s something about your last one leaving you – it’s just heart wrenching.

The only thing I’m clinging to is how excited he is! He woke up this morning and asked if today was the day. His excitement is palpable. And he’s been so bored – I know it’s the right thing for him.

But for this mama, it’s a right of passage and if you know me and see my locally and I’m sobbing my eyes out, you know why. (God help me when he’s off to college, someone’s gonna have to commit me.)

10 thoughts on “I’ve Waited for this Day For 9 Years & Now I Don’t Want It”

  1. This is exactly how I am feeling with my youngest and he is only going to 4 year old kindergarten this year and it’s only half day. I can’t imagine how I will be feeling next year!! Let us know how you handle the first couple weeks so we can know what to expect for next year!

  2. Hang in there. I know I’ll be the same way when Kyle goes to 1st grade – thank heavens for 1/2 day Kindergarten so I can keep him with me a little longer 🙂 And…. lets meet for a lunch date. I’ll be so sad without our sidekicks too. xoxo

    1. Lunch date for sure. Although ssly, I can’t even imagine having lunch out at one or our “spots” w/o Cole. I’m so emotional tonight but can’t even imagine if I told him I went to Dixie Picnic w/o him! OMG I’m a mess! LOL!

  3. Understand 100% and yes, when you drive away and see his face against the window of his Freshman year dorm, you will need kleenex then too. .LOL- remember?!. .
    ditto all above comments. . and just wait, when he comes home tomorrow, and gets off the bus , he’ will be so excited to tell you about his first day. . .you will share that joy with him and it will all be worth it!. . .

  4. He looked so happy getting on that bus!!!! Better than crying, then you would be even more miserable!!!! Make this your YOU day. Do something really fun!!!! Then have a great dinner for your two future Presidents tonight!!!!

  5. I remember that feeling. But it didn’t hit me until after I got home from bringing him that first day. I fell apart.

    But it becomes your new normal. I promise. And before you know it, he’ll be trying to find ways to stay home from school. 🙂

  6. I feel the same with Emma in full day for the first time. Ugh. Last week was hard. Not that I wasnt busy I just missed her. And I couldn’t go to Panera without her but I’d love to meet for lunch or coffee anywhere else. Week two is much better. 😊

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